Today is the last day of my anatomy class and this is an image of my cervical spine. The reason why I began a yoga practice 15 years ago are many. One of them was due to severe pain in my neck. The memory of this pain goes to a time where I don’t even remember at this point. I have created a narrative around it and have always been on the quest for a cure. It’s not curable. Two doctors have plainly admitted that I have a cervical spine of a 65 year old. What they tried to relay is that the normal degeneration of the spine is happening at a faster rate for me and then some. Accepting this has been difficult. I had to move away from freeform headstands on rough concrete surfaces to post on Instagram. I’ve worked on modifying my practice it can be beneficial and therapeutic. Accepting that I am getting older and my body is changing has been transformative.
Even though I took this anatomy class to learn more about the human body, I come out of it knowing more. I realized that even though I am a product of many years of western education, I have learned more through systems which are rarely recognized as credible in our culture. I have learned abundantly from practicing Buddhist philosophy, combining this with continuous learning of my own body as it relates to yoga postures (asana), breath (pranayama) and meditation. At this point, I have toyed around with many styles of yoga, all of which have so much to offer. Learning the positives and negatives of these practices which we are so fortunate to have received in the West, comparatively scrutinizing and discerning them, I’ve learned to accept and give credit to each and be grateful for the benefits I’ve reaped from all. Today, I realize that if I had put my mind to it, I could have succeeded in medicine (a field I highly considered when I left high school many years ago). Studying the human body came naturally to me this semester. I loved every moment, but I am so ready to go back to learning independently, teaching passionately what I find to be more resonant for my growth as a human being and learning from that space.
As 2017 comes to a close, I am excited to soon announce a few changes and public offerings. I am truly grateful for having the time to go through a semester of learning. As I type this, I am even grateful for the two accidents in the last four months, which of course slightly made my spine worse, but gave me the opportunity to get imaging and learn more about my insides. The doctors who I worked with really provided me with the tools necessary and brought me to the realization of how to cope with the pain. However, I knew all along that a safe yoga practice and meditation to ease and manage my pain are the way forward, somehow I thought western medicine would have the answer. They did, it would have been through epidural and facet joint injections. For now, I am holding off on that. Instead of reviewing my anatomy notes, I sit here and type this. As I look at this X-Ray, I also learned that what I have doubted for many years whether or not there is a good head on these shoulders, I have to remind myself that it’s fine just the way it is. Forget about those narratives you create around your own sense of self. You have a good head on your shoulders. Keep that as your constant.
Even though I haven’t really been giving attention to my blog, I hope to find more direction with the time that will free up in the next few weeks. Stay tuned.